Leaders spend a lot of time listening. But the truth? We often do it wrong.
Jennifer Garvey Berger, CEO of the London-based firm Cultivating Leadership, introduced a game-changing framework that categorizes listening into three types. Her insights are sharp, practical, and more relevant now than ever. Let’s break them down:
1. Listening to Win
This is the most common—and most destructive—form of listening. Here, you’re not really absorbing what the other person is saying. You’re gathering ammo. It’s the classic sales tactic: appear engaged while mentally stacking up points to push your own agenda. Or picture a meeting where someone pitches an idea you dislike—you start listening for holes, not understanding.
2. Listening to Fix
In this mode, you think you have the answer (or at least a blueprint for it). So you start diagnosing the problem. Questions become tools for steering the conversation toward a solution. Doctors, lawyers, and mechanics often operate here—and rightly so. But in everyday leadership, this kind of listening can limit deeper understanding.
3. Listening to Learn
Ah, the gold standard. Here, you’re not aiming to solve or to win. You’re aiming to understand. You lean in, ask open questions, and get genuinely curious about the other person’s thoughts and feelings. No hidden motives. Just exploration.
Here’s the kicker: all three styles have their place. But at BetterCulture, we’ve been encouraging leaders to spend more time in “listening to learn” mode. Why? Because skipping it leads to missed insights—and on a larger scale, societal division.
Just look at modern discourse. The public square is drowning in “listening to win.” Political debates? Talk shows? Even some corners of journalism? It’s become about trapping someone in their words or teeing up easy points for your side. Learning has left the building.
Clearly, listening to fix has its place. But rushing there too fast? That’s how you solve the wrong problem. Spend more time listening to learn, and you sharpen your diagnosis and multiply your impact.
I’ll admit—when I first encountered this framework, I immediately thought of others who could benefit from it. People who never seem to actually hear me. But then it hit me: they probably think the same about me. That’s the moment I realized how much ego can cloud our ears.
If you want better, deeper conversations—especially across lines of difference—try this: Be curious. Ask yourself what the other person thinks and feels. Let go of the need to change their mind. This doesn’t mean you agree with them. It means you’re respecting their story enough to want to understand it.
And here’s the secret gift: You already know what you think. But when you really listen, you walk away smarter. Your learning curve spikes. And maybe—just maybe—a seed is planted in your mind that can later grow.
If you’re lucky enough to have someone in your life who sees things differently yet is also willing to listen to learn, cherish that. Those relationships are incredibly rare and valuable.
Want to grow as a leader—and as a person? Start by asking yourself: How do I listen?
